Bacon and Taxidermy Heads - A Happy Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is the day to give thanks, so in order to celebrate, here is a list of totally relevant awesome things I am thankful for:

1.     My cat’s belly – It hangs precariously low to the floor, but on those chilly winter nights when she sits on me, it provides all the extra fat heat I need.

2.     Bacon – Because it’s so darn bacon-y.

3.     Black unicorns – Don’t tell me they don’t exist. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere, and when I find one, I will tame it like the Na’vi people did to those dragon thingies in Avatar.

4.     Vietnamese sandwiches – Jesus probably makes them with his bare hands. I am about 99% sure of this.

5.     My Harry Potter blanket – I can be warm and stylish at the same time.

6.     Candles – When I light them, they make me feel fancy, and suddenly I feel like I should be hurriedly writing a manuscript in calligraphy.

7.     Faux taxidermy heads – They’re cool and free of animal cruelty.

8.     The internet – Where else am I going to post this stuff?

Old People Tongue Action

Tonight, my parents decided to drag me to a play about old people. That's how my dad explained the plot of the play. Here's a straight up quote: "It's a play about old people." They did not, however, tell me that I would have to sit through an old guy singing 'My Humps' repeatedly and making out with an old lady. I cannot make this shit up. After sitting through that weirdness (with the parentals, no less), we didn't even get cream puffs at the store next door like I was promised.

Sometimes I look at my life and think, "Wow. There are some other teenagers spending their nights partying while I spend my night watching elderlies get it on."

You know what? Fuck being social. I have my cat...

Have a picture from last year.

...and she's awesome as shit. Not literal shit. Obviously.

Pussy Booty

I know. I've been snubbing my blogging duties. It's just that I've been off in the real world, taking care of my responsibilities. For this, I apologize. I promise that during the week, I will have a greater need to procrastinate and write dumb things for you internet people. In the meantime, have a picture of a cat butt.