Showing posts with label unicorn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unicorn. Show all posts

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Bacon and Taxidermy Heads - A Happy Thanksgiving


Tomorrow is the day to give thanks, so in order to celebrate, here is a list of totally relevant awesome things I am thankful for:
1.     My cat’s belly – It hangs precariously low to the floor, but on those chilly winter nights when she sits on me, it provides all the extra fat heat I need.
2.     Bacon – Because it’s so darn bacon-y.
3.     Black unicorns – Don’t tell me they don’t exist. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere, and when I find one, I will tame it like the Na’vi people did to those dragon thingies in Avatar.
4.     Vietnamese sandwiches – Jesus probably makes them with his bare hands. I am about 99% sure of this.
5.     My Harry Potter blanket – I can be warm and stylish at the same time.
6.     Candles – When I light them, they make me feel fancy, and suddenly I feel like I should be hurriedly writing a manuscript in calligraphy.
7.     Faux taxidermy heads – They’re cool and free of animal cruelty.
8.     The internet – Where else am I going to post this stuff?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Ponies (From the Future)

Me: You know what I want?

Daniel: What do you want?

Me: I want a pony.

Daniel: Why would you want a pony?

Me: Because it's a PONY...and I want to buy it a party hat.

Daniel: So you can pretend it's a unicorn...

Me: No. That's just ridiculous. It's so I can throw it a surprise party.

Daniel: Don't you think the pony will be suspicious when you subsequently buy it a party hat?

Me: Hmm...Okay. I can buy the pony and the party hat together but then throw the actual party months later. The pony won't suspect a thing.

Daniel: You're ridiculous.

Me: I don't understand why you're not taking this seriously. This is going to happen.

Daniel: Right.

Me: My future pony doesn't appreciate your skepticism.