Thursday, November 24, 2011

Bacon and Taxidermy Heads - A Happy Thanksgiving


Tomorrow is the day to give thanks, so in order to celebrate, here is a list of totally relevant awesome things I am thankful for:
1.     My cat’s belly – It hangs precariously low to the floor, but on those chilly winter nights when she sits on me, it provides all the extra fat heat I need.
2.     Bacon – Because it’s so darn bacon-y.
3.     Black unicorns – Don’t tell me they don’t exist. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere, and when I find one, I will tame it like the Na’vi people did to those dragon thingies in Avatar.
4.     Vietnamese sandwiches – Jesus probably makes them with his bare hands. I am about 99% sure of this.
5.     My Harry Potter blanket – I can be warm and stylish at the same time.
6.     Candles – When I light them, they make me feel fancy, and suddenly I feel like I should be hurriedly writing a manuscript in calligraphy.
7.     Faux taxidermy heads – They’re cool and free of animal cruelty.
8.     The internet – Where else am I going to post this stuff?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I'm Still Asian

Today, I was talking to my friend of mine about my hair. Recently, I had been thinking of sweeping my bangs to the side because they're getting pretty long.

Me: So trim or sweep?
Friend: Well, if you trim them...you'll look Asian.
Me: Well...I am Asian, so I think I'll look that way no matter what.

This happens often enough for me to have to write blog entries like this one to ensure the public of my Asian-ness. IN CASE YOU FORGOT.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Last Minute Halloween Ideas

It's that time of year again: Halloween. This year, being the ol' socialite that I am, I have no plans.  In fact, in lieu of exciting party plans, I bought myself pumpkin pie and white chocolate.  Don't worry; it's what's cool now.  I may not have friends, but at least I can buy myself obesity and diabetes.  That sounded way better in my head.

Anyway, for those who are still panicking over last-minute Halloween costumes that'll make that special person want to stir your witch's brew (worst innuendo ever), I've got ideas for you:

Slutty Steve Jobs
Slutty Wall Street Occupier
Slutty Herman Cain
Slutty Morrissey
Slutty IRS Agent

Take your pick.  I could roll these out all night.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Old People Tongue Action

Tonight, my parents decided to drag me to a play about old people. That's how my dad explained the plot of the play. Here's a straight up quote: "It's a play about old people." They did not, however, tell me that I would have to sit through an old guy singing 'My Humps' repeatedly and making out with an old lady. I cannot make this shit up. After sitting through that weirdness (with the parentals, no less), we didn't even get cream puffs at the store next door like I was promised.

Sometimes I look at my life and think, "Wow. There are some other teenagers spending their nights partying while I spend my night watching elderlies get it on."

You know what? Fuck being social. I have my cat...

Have a picture from last year.

...and she's awesome as shit. Not literal shit. Obviously.

Friday, October 21, 2011

My Conversion to Prostitution

I'm slightly concerned that most of my blog views come from people looking up heroin, cocaine, and meth. Though, at the same time, I'm almost comforted by the fact that a majority of my readers are deteriorating mentally; so maybe my ramblings make more sense to them. I like that possibility. Not the fact that people are doing drugs, but that they totally understand where I'm coming from...kind of.

Right now, I'm trying to fight off this persistent headache while being soothed by the tunes of Das Racist. Which reminds me that I need more money in my wallet...to see shows, obviously. At the moment, my self-employed music teacher thing is slowed down, so clearly, I must find other options. I could become a hooker, but I don't think Daniel would appreciate that much. He might warm up to the idea if I tell him he can be my pimp. He'd look hot in a fur coat and chains. And by hot, I mean really, really trashy. Life is hard.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Iron Chef Poop

I'm working on college applications, so my blog posts have been much more spread out lately. Don't worry though. You really aren't missing much.
Oh, except for yesterday when Jared and I went to Starbucks and the entire place smelled like poop for ten minutes. Not corporate poop. It just smelled like the aftermath of bad burritos. I know that was too graphic, but I regret nothing. I was the one who had to experience it, guys. I have no sympathy for those reading this.

If you're really that emotionally scarred, let me heal you through Iron Chef Chairman pictures. (Both of them.)



Allez cuisine!

Seriously, they never fail to cheer me up. I want to watch Iron Chef now...


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hugs Not Heroin, Cocaine, or Meth

Actually, I'm kidding. I'll gladly hand out hugs any time. Although, there was a period of time that spanned from late elementary school into middle school where I adamantly ran away from anybody who tried to hug me. It was probably the prepubescent angst brewing inside me. I've passed that stage though. I wasn't lying about me being really irritable when I'm hungry, however. That part's completely true, and anybody who's close enough to me can certainly vouch for that.

For non-huggers, I should have drawn porcupines, maces, and forest fires. Oh well. Next time.

Edit: I actually realized that my cartoon makes no sense, so ignore everything.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Paul Bettany the Vampire Slayer (of Sacramento)

Long time no blog! I spent the weekend in Sacramento with Daniel, and he took me to the Second Saturday Artwalk, which is essentially just a journey through numerous art galleries in midtown. As we walked to the Artwalk (try to wrap your brain around that one), we strolled through Capitol Park, and what I found there filled me with immense amounts of happiness.


It's a statue that looks exactly like Paul Bettany in Priest! Daniel disagrees and says it looks nothing like him, but come on. Just look at it. It's like a replica...but stonier. To be fair, neither of us have actually seen Priest, but I like to imagine that I'm right. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Ponies (From the Future) - Part 2

Me: I'm going to throw the best party.

Daniel: For your pony?

Me: Obviously. We'll play party games.

Daniel: What kind of party games?

Me: Twister.

Daniel: WHAT?

Me: Twister is a good, fun party game.

Daniel: How is a pony going to play Twister? That's not even physically possible!

Me: I'll practice with him.

Daniel: No. It's not physically possible.

Me: He'll get it, don't worry.

Daniel: I don't think you get that it's not physically possible.

Me: My pony is going to be a Twister champion.

Daniel: Okay.

Me: You're just a pony hater.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Ponies (From the Future)

Me: You know what I want?

Daniel: What do you want?

Me: I want a pony.

Daniel: Why would you want a pony?

Me: Because it's a PONY...and I want to buy it a party hat.

Daniel: So you can pretend it's a unicorn...

Me: No. That's just ridiculous. It's so I can throw it a surprise party.

Daniel: Don't you think the pony will be suspicious when you subsequently buy it a party hat?

Me: Hmm...Okay. I can buy the pony and the party hat together but then throw the actual party months later. The pony won't suspect a thing.

Daniel: You're ridiculous.

Me: I don't understand why you're not taking this seriously. This is going to happen.

Daniel: Right.

Me: My future pony doesn't appreciate your skepticism.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

We Hit the SWAT Team, and It's Hugh Laurie's Fault

Yesterday was a beautiful disaster. It was one of those days where nothing goes as planned and you end up crashing into an angry Asian couple's car amongst the busy streets in San Francisco. It was one of those days, and it all began with Hugh Laurie...

Hardly Strictly Bluegrass is a huge music festival that goes on in the Bay Area every year. I drove up to San Francisco with my friends, and that was our first destination for the day. I was excited out of my pants because Hugh Laurie was performing, and I wanted to ask him to diagnose me and/or go for some fish and chips. To our dismay, all the parking spots in the area were taken up by hipsters and hippies (and hippie hipsters?), which meant we had to leave before we even officially arrived. I was thoroughly disappointed. I had even practiced my British accent for an hour on the drive there.

Luckily, we had yet another place we wanted stop by: The Alternative Press Expo. Kate Beaton, the founder of Hark! A Vagrant, was going to be there. My new plan was to ask her to diagnose me and go out for fish and chips to make up for my former loss. We were making our way over to the Concourse Exhibition Center when we hit yet another roadblock. As we drove along, my friend, Jared, ended up rear-ending the car in front of us. The driver, a middle-aged Cantonese man, immediately jumped out of the car (that we just damaged) with a camera in hand and began to take pictures of the dent and our license plate. His wife, following his example, also got out of the car to take pictures of us, and it was a frightening experience for me. The SWAT team had closed in on us, but instead of it being the regular SWAT team, it was a SWAT team for vehicular accidents. It was terrifying, but we continued onward with our journey.

Finally, we made it to the expo. Everything was beautiful, and I wanted to sob, partially because I was surrounded by amazing artists, and partially because I knew I would never be on par with them. My day already improved upon stepping into the exhibition center due to the fact that I got a cool badge.


I know. You don't have to tell me how cool it is.

Yet we had not seen the end of the series of unfortunate events. About twenty minutes after we arrived, we discovered that Kate Beaton had left a few hours ago. Wallowing in even more disappointment, we wandered around the expo some more. The disappointment didn't last long because I was too enthralled by all the great art and fun people. Overall, I'm still happy with the way things turned out. I might not have gotten to harass Hugh Laurie or Kate Beaton, but I'll just have to leave that to another day.

Awesome Links:

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Blizzard Entertainment Sucks

Unless you care about World of Warcraft (or gaming) in the least, I would skip this post because it's just me ranting about how their game developers are douchebags.

I got an e-mail from Blizzard Entertainment informing me that World of Warcraft is now free to play. To my dismay, I soon realized that I had been bamboozled. Here is the actual body of the e-mail:


If you look closely, it states that it is free to play up to level 20. This would be considerably neat IF they hadn't ALREADY been free to play up until level 20 before this. "Kat, if you're so frustrated about it, why don't you just pay to play?" Because I'm broke. That's why. To deal with this frustration, I wrote them an e-mail back, expressing my feelings on the subject:


I don't think they even read the e-mails in their newsletter inbox, but it was worth a try.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Anemic Russians

According to Daniel, the Russian Army prepares soldiers for the horrors of war by putting them into a room and forcing them to wade in animal blood. What. The. Fuck? That is a ready-made script for a horror movie. Also, this next part is not exaggerated. I lied awake in bed for an hour before falling asleep last night because I thought a Russian commander was going to burst into my room and take me out for a 'swim'. My delicate mind isn't made to comprehend that kind of information.

Then when I woke up this morning, I searched 'Russian soldier blood swim' on Google to confirm the validity of this information. Except, now that I think about it, a Russian soldier blood swim sounds like an organized triathlon event aimed to raise awareness for anemic Russian veterans. Anyway, I did not find any results. Now I am currently under the impression that my boyfriend makes up horrific scenes for fun just to watch my sanity slowly disintegrate.

Edit: Daniel swears he did not make that up. I refuse to believe him until he comes back with some form of proof.

Edit: He found it.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Furry Friends and Lovers - They Are The Same


This is not to say my boyfriend leaves his pants everywhere. I don't pick up after him, and he is a reasonably clean human being. I am grateful for this. I cannot say the same for my cat. She leaves her pants everywhere.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Pussy Booty

I know. I've been snubbing my blogging duties. It's just that I've been off in the real world, taking care of my responsibilities. For this, I apologize. I promise that during the week, I will have a greater need to procrastinate and write dumb things for you internet people. In the meantime, have a picture of a cat butt.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Last Words

I am about 99% sure that I am dying. First, I should explain that I believe when good things happen, my mortality rate spikes (and vice versa).  For example:

This week I have been in and out of the doctor's office because I feel like there is a bear inside me trying to claw it's way out of my very unhappy stomach, and there are more bears inside my skull, causing damage there as well. I am currently waiting for results from my lab tests.

This week, my mom bought Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

DO YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? My mom knows I might die, so she tries to console me by being extra nice. One might point out, "Well, Kat. Buying Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn't THAT great." No. No, my friend, that is where you are wrong. You just don't understand. I was that kid who grew up with essentially nothing but Raisin Bran and goddamn off-brand Wheaties. I was that kid who salivated while simultaneously wiping away tears of sorrow as my mother carted me through the cereal aisle that held my hopes and dreams.

Now, you must see the position that I am in. Do not mourn for me. As I prepare for my impending doom, I will be happily treating my taste buds to a sugary last meal.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Joy of Stats

I find myself becoming rather fed up with my statistics homework lately.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Telly, TV, Television

I know I've been inactive for a few days, but my boyfriend, Daniel, was in town; miraculously, when I'm with him, I don't feel the need to be attached to my computer. Instead, we glue ourselves to the small, yet reliable television in my room to watch the Game Show Network or the Food Network. If we aren't laughing at the people on Baggage, we're yelling at the contestants on Family Feud. If we aren't salivating at the sight of food on Iron Chef, we're guessing who will win on Chopped. I'm sure we could spend our time doing something a little more productive, but I'm content with sitting brainlessly on the couch for a few hours.

Sports are to most normal people as competitive game shows/cooking shows are to me. I have accepted this and feel no shame.

(Also, Daniel, if you read this, you left your pants and Axe at my house. I am going to make use of these items and walk around looking and smelling like a dude.)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Three Things I Hate About Going To the Doctor's Office

1. Peeing Into a Cup
"Can you pee into a cup for us?" Okay, let's not overlook the extremely creepy wording here. Can I pee for you guys? No thanks. Can I pee to check that I don't have any diseases? Sure thing. In addition to that, every time they ask me this, I have to say no because I, like a normal person, urinate when I need to and don't save up for the doctor's office. There's also just the act of going into a cup and then bringing the fresh pee to them so they can examine it. I'd hate to have that job.

2. Talking About My Sex Life
"Are you sexually active?" No matter what, this question will always be awkward. End of discussion.

3. Being Poked
"Does this hurt?" I don't know. Would you like me to jab my fingers into your waist and ask if that hurts? About 90% of the time, I honestly would not be able to tell you whether it hurts from being prodded or if it hurts because I'm dying.

BONUS:
4. Going To the Doctor's When You're Feeling Particularly Shitty and You're Sure Death Is At Your Door, But They Tell You They Can't Find Anything Wrong
This is much too self explanatory.

Of course, I understand why they need to check all these things. However, that doesn't mean I'm not going to complain about it on my blog.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Bacon, bacon, bacon!

At this moment, I am lying down on my couch with my eyes half closed because I did not get enough sleep last night at all. Here are the (abridged) events of what happened:

A few friends and I got together to create the best meal ever. We went to Lucky's to go grocery shopping because we're serious about our cooking and therefore must buy real food as opposed to boxed or canned food. On our shopping list was bacon, orange juice, eggs...Did I mention bacon? We bought a colossal amount of bacon. We made our way back to the house and the magic began. (I'm not talking about Magic: The Gathering. Although, we actually did end up playing that later. I'm talking about real magic.) All of our bacon was seasoned with steak seasoning and cinnamon. For future reference, if you haven't tried seasoning your meat with cinnamon, you must do it. I'm not suggesting it, I'm saying it is crucial that you try it. You won't regret it. So anyway, we seasoned all of our bacon, and at this point, our dishes began to form. We made bacon strips, bacon weave omelettes, bacon bit omelettes, and bacon breakfast burritos. I could feel my arteries clogging just staring at our creations, and I mean that in the best way possible.

Visual aids:




Bacon weave omelette

We cooked and ate until about two in the morning. The entire experience may have shortened my life expectancy by a couple years, but it was worth it.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I am literally too exhausted to pick up my tablet to make any crappy drawings. (Okay, I lied. Not literally. I am, however, the most fatigued I have been in a while.) I was going to draw something about cats and boys, but that will have to wait until another time...

Whenever anyone talks about me going to college, I have an instinctive reaction; my mouth dries up, my brain melts into a puddle of confusion, and left eye begins to twitch uncontrollably, as if the muscles beneath my skin are overcompensating in fear that I may become comatose at any minute. (That probably doesn't even make sense, but in my case, it does.) I guess I find difficulty in saying, "I don't know what I want to do with my life despite the fact that most others expect me to do great things like become a doctor or a psychologist. Honestly, I'd prefer a career that allows me to sit on my couch all day and eat burgers until I explode." Thoughts like that prove troublesome to express without being set ablaze by judgement rays. At this point in my education, I'm kind of rolling with the punches (whatever that means). I just hope I don't roll into cardboard box in an alleyway with only a dirty sock puppet and a collection can to keep me company.

To lighten things up, I will leave you with a video that displays the fact that I get along with the 8 year old that I tutor better than most people my age. I am also clearly not mature enough to be applying to college and would fare better if given the option to ride tiny scooters as a career. Somebody make that into a career.

video



Tuesday, September 6, 2011

BUTTHOLES?!

Okay, I know I already posted today, but can someone explain to me why THIS is the first thing that comes up in my Google search bar when I type in the letter 'b'?

I already have enough trouble trying to convince people that I'm not creepy. I promise you that I do not search buttholes on Google all day. I only do it sometimes. Really.

My Process On How To Decide Whether to Be a Donor

Of course, I say this all with good humor. I'm not only signed up as an organ donor because I'm afraid of what other people will think or because the members of the donors' society greet each other with enthusiastic high-fiving. (But for the record, we do.)

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hypochondria and Other Fun Things

Yeah, I know. I've redesigned this blog about a thousand times now. I think I've finally settled on a theme and idea though. Honestly, I've most enjoyed putting my shitty drawings on here, so the shitty drawings will stay.